Diamonds ARE a Girl's Best Friend (Or a Funky Pair of Earrings)

Just a simple day with the girls today. Slept in late. Cuddled when we all woke up. Took at little drive...to my new favorite store. The store has been there for awhile, but it's about 40 minutes from my house, so I hadn't checked it out before a week or two ago. When I first visited it, I said two things to myself... I MUST take the girls here the next time we need a little field trip and I MUST come here the next time I have a case of the blues and need a pick me up. "CHARMING CHARLIE." It is a great store. Wall-to-wall earrings, bracelets, necklaces, shoes, purses, scarves, etc--arranged by color. Picture 'Claire's' on STEROIDS (and for grown women). It makes me happy. All the colors. All the sparkles. All the fun. It is simply a spectacle of all-things-accessory!

We had a blast. We tried on the most outlandish rings and hats on display. We picked out things for each-other. We tried on and played. And played. And played. And didn't buy anything. We didn't need anything. We didn't go in there planning to buy. We went in just to have fun. The girls didn't even ask for anything. It was enough to be together and try things on. It was enough to fill the day. Then we sang Carrie Underwood songs the whole way home.

Now we are gearing up for tonight's Girls Against Boys kickball game. We're going to put our hair in high ponytails, with big floppy bows. We're gonna glam out and have some more fun! Might even let the girls wear lipstick. It's great to be a girl!

Mom Thought: I really do get the blues sometimes. I struggle with tiredness. I get overwhelmed. I miss my own mother. I need breaks. I want to get away and not have to be so responsible. I wish for simpler times. Or an easier life. I get hormonal and extra-emotional. I get needy. And I need pick-me-ups. Thus, I have found places I like to run to, things I like to do and people I like to call, when I am having 'one of those days' or weeks....or months. This is one of those places. I introduced it to my girls, in part because I want my girls to have strategies for those kinds of feelings...those kinds of days. I want them to know what they can do to turn a day around, shift their focus and find joy. I want them to be able to find 'little joys.' Because little joys can make the clouds part and provide a crack in the sky of a gloomy day, for a ray of sun to peek through...and shine. Life is not all gumdrops and rainbows. Sometimes a grown-up girl needs to try on a funky ring or a rhinestone bangle to make it through.

Tatum in a wide-brimmed hat. Fabulous!

Girls Rule. Boys Drool.

Tucker has baseball camp this week. And as the saying goes, "While Big Brother is Away, Little Sisters Will Play!" With a very high girl-to-boy ratio under the roof of my house, I do my best to give Tucker lots of 'guy' time to himself. It can't be easy on him--living with three younger sisters. He has grown up around Barbies, Polly Pockets, lipgloss, princess costumes and pink. I try to be sensitive to his plight. I try to help his sisters in their sensitivity. I try to encourage his sensitivity to them as well.

But this week....this week, is ALL about the females in the house. This week, we are totally Girling-Out! I've got plans for the next five days..for an Un-ending-Estrogen-Fest! Activities include: Manicures and pedicures, a visit to the American Girl Store, and a movie day filled with the likes of: Soul Surfer, Beauty & the Beast, and Anne of Green Gables. We will be picking up Tucker on Wednesday night and getting together with another family (with a few boys) for a Girls VS. Boys KICKBALL GAME for bragging rights as Champions of the Universe. On Friday, I am taking the girls and a friend from work, to Six Flags for a day of roller-coaster riding where we can scream at the top of our lungs and act silly with no brother to embarrass, and no obligation to do anything boys would want to do. It will be all about US! 

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night, I will 'sleep over' with a different daughter. That is the real point of the whole Girl-Fest. I will be spending some one-on-one time with my girls...having "The Talk" with them, individually. The twins are getting closer to turning 10, and I want to take some more time to answer questions, and tell them more about the changes on the horizon for their bodies and emotions. I want to give them an evening of my time to share with them my story. My heart for them as young women. Tatum is beyond this level of conversation. I took her out for an Overnight-Girl-Fest when she was a little younger than the twins. We went to a hotel with an indoor pool and jacuzzi. We hung out and talked. She is well-into her pre-teen life, but I want to give her time to talk some more. And ask more. 

I love talking with, and teaching my girls about all things girly and womanly. I consider it a privilege. The way I see it, I have the greatest impact on their view of women (in general), and therefore their view of themselves as women...than anyone else in their entire lives. Good, bad, ugly----they will see me living out the life of a woman--in front of them. They have seen my face, my faults, my failures, my flaws, my beauty and my strengths, each and every day they have been mine. I want them to know my thoughts and feelings about being a woman. About being a woman in this culture. About being a woman during this time in history. I want them to look forward to growing up and becoming women. 

I want them to love being a woman as much as I do. So I'm giving them this week. I'm making this week a celebration of being female.

Mom Thought: When it comes to The Birds and The Bees, I teach my children early. I want my children to learn from me, rather than from kids in their classes or neighbors. I want them to know and understand (at their age level), as much as they possibly can. I want to be their first resource...not a supplement to what they learn in school, or read in a book or even see on TV. Certain things need to be taught by me. And no one else can do my job. Well, no one can do it the way it can be done, by their mother. It's my place to teach them. And I love doing so. Without embarrassment, I talk. I share. I answer. I simply refuse to leave the job to someone else. I simply won't let another voice, or outside influence (however well-intending they may be), give my daughters (and son), such valuable, life-shaping, significant details and information. They will remember what I tell them. They will remember how I tell them. They will remember my attitude about what I share. They will remember my openness or my shyness. They will remember if I am sketchy with the details, or avoid the tough questions. I will influence their feelings about the changes in their bodies. I will influence their opinions and beliefs about themselves as women (or men, in Tucker's case). I will influence them with what I teach. I'm not about to leave that to someone else...or take a haphazard or textbook approach. I care too much for that. This is too important. They are too important for that. Their futures are too important. I am raising grown-ups. I am raising women (and a man). And I love it.

The three young women I am raising, and me (a few years ago).

Star Splanged

Yesterday was Flag Day. And we celebrated late in the day. Well, not in some grandiose fashion. But we did pause during the day to learn, appreciate and commemorate the occasion. We talked about the stars and the stripes, and what they represent. We talked about the freedom we have in this country, and how our flag represents that kind of freedom, to the world. We talked about how we, as Americans come across the world. How their view of us has changed over time. We talked about the men and women who have given their lives for our freedom. We talked about the leaders who began our country and those who serve us today as government leaders. We talked about our responsibilities as citizens. Our responsibilities in our community to stand up for others, make a difference and pitch in with solutions rather than complain. We talked about making a difference and looking for ways to serve others.

We had a nice talk in the car. On the way to the cemetery.

We discussed. And remembered. And taught each other what we knew. The twins talked about what they have learned about our government in their 9 years of life. Tatum shared about the Civil Rights Movement, and the leaders who paved the way for equality for minorities and all Americans. This is an issue dear to her heart. Tucker shared about the different wars he has studied (and even played on his video games).

Then we parked the car. And said nothing.

We walked between the memorial markers at the Marietta National Military Cemetery. The children studied the names and dates of soldiers who had given their lives for freedom--in honor of the flag and what it represents. They were stunned by the massive amounts of markers in the cemetery (several thousand). Impacted by the hills covered with white headstones. They were silenced and in awe. Seeing the headstones made more of an impression than dozens of conversations or lessons and tests from history books.

Mom Thought: Yesterday, I taught my children how to "give pause." A skill. A too-often overlooked ability to show reverence, respect and appreciation. We are all looking forward to July 4th, with a little more appreciation than before.

Thoughts on a Crappy Day

Yesterday was pretty horrible. At least the first two-thirds of it. The first third was the roughest. So much so, that I didn't even consider sitting down at my computer and blogging. And while I'd prefer to paint a rose-y/sunshine-y portrait of a flawless-perfect-utopian life with my four children, that simply isn't the case. Yesterday....mostly....sucked.

There wasn't much to say for the morning. Had I chosen to blog, I would have had to type the entire thing with the caps-lock "ON" to represent the volume of my shouting. There were no wonderful, fuzzy, cuddly moments before lunch. There were no profound insights or lovely exchanges or precious moments to share. It was a loud, cranky, tattling, complaining, whiney kind of morning. And the kids were in bad moods too.  ;)

I don't even know what set it off the wrong way. My plan was to introduce crocheting to the girls, as I noted in Monday's post. I was really looking forward to the experience. Apparently, I didn't think things through...fully. Teaching a skill-based craft is time-consuming (but more important to note, it is patience-consuming). Teaching one child such-a-skill, takes lots of communication, and practice and explaining, and demonstrating. Teaching 9 year-old twins doesn't simply double that work, it multiplies it 10-fold. Throw in an 11 year-old who wants to be superior to her little sisters in all skill areas...and World World III erupts...in my living room. At the end of our "Learn a Wonderful Craft with Mommy" session, one girl had left the battlefield fed up with herself, another was screaming at the rest of us that we were all "so mean," while the remaining daughter was humming Justin Beiber's "Boyfriend" for the 28th time while cutting her yarn into two-inch pieces and scattering them all over my living room floor (she tends to be a little passive-aggressive). Me? I was on the verge of stabbing myself in the eyes with the crochet needles just so I could get a ride to the hospital in an ambulance and get a little break from the chaos.

Maybe it wasn't that bad. But it certainly felt that bad, while we were in the middle of it. Lunch wasn't much better. No one was pleasant. No one wanted to help. No one was grateful. No one was at their best. Or even their mediocrest (yes, I just made up a word). It was just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. One child in particular (I will protect their identity), was just miserable. Miserable in the way that he (or was it a she?), wanted to make everyone else miserable. That kind of miserable. There were no screens or TV for anyone. There was no fun or creative lunch. I sent everyone to their rooms for an extended Room Time. And I sent myself to my room as well.

Then it hit me. I remembered something I used to do a while ago (it really has been a while....Tucker said it has been almost three years since the last time I did this. The twins' don't remember me ever doing it before). I remembered how to call a "Do-Over." (I've written about this on my Dance Party Blog as well...look for the link if you're interested).

I called a "Do-Over Day" for the household. After an hour-or-so in their rooms, I called a family meeting. Everyone met in the living room (which my daughters had managed to get back in order after the yarn fiasco from the morning). I announced that everyone (including me), would be headed back to their rooms after our meeting, and we would all get back into our pajamas, and crawl back into bed. I would set my alarm for 15 minutes, then I would be "waking up" each child as though it was a brand new day--and this day, which we had already started (and nearly destroyed with rotten actions and attitudes) would be a thing of the past....or better yet----non-existent. We would each get the chance to "Do Over" this day. All the yuck, yelling and yes, even consequences and restrictions, were lifted. Erased. The day would vanish, and we would start again.

It worked. Everyone played along. I took the 15 minutes in my room, to get on my pjs, breathe and be grateful. Grateful to get a clean start in the middle of the day. Grateful to be able to give a clean start. Grateful to be able to redeem a day, which might have been lost entirely. Grateful to be able to change direction with a simple decision. Grateful to have another chance. Grateful to demonstrate grace to my children in a real-life, remember-it-forever experience.

When my timer went off, I visited each room. I "woke" the kids with the sweet, tender 'Rise and Shine' voice they knew when they were pre-schoolers. I pulled back their covers, sat on the beds, and leaned in for a big hug. I told them to get ready for breakfast. We had small bowls of cereal, brushed our teeth, got dressed and painted birdhouses. Later, the kids played Uno and Poker. They even did two loads of laundry. The rest of the day was good. Short, and good. And I couldn't wait to blog about it today.

Mom Thought: I wish I got more Do-Over Days. I am thankful that bad days, failures and 'blowing it' times as a mom, don't wipe out the good days. I am thankful that I get Do-Overs on a consistent basis, from my God. I am thankful for forgiveness, and His very short memory with me. I am thankful for mercy and grace. I want to practice more of that...with my children...and myself.

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen (no such thing...)

A chef, I am not. I don't hate cooking. I don't love it, either. But it is something that MUST be done. Kids have to eat. And during the summer time, they don't eat at the cafeteria for lunch, so I am left to prepare three meals a day for my four (and me)! Well, not really.

It is a rare, rare day when I make three meals, in the course of one day. As I've written before, the kids typically get their own breakfasts on most mornings. (A little change to our schedule this week, so I am making their big breakfast on Wednesday, rather than Monday: Cinnamon and vanilla French Toast with whipped cream). Lunch, well lunch is often left to them as well or we make it together. I try to teach them something creative to do for lunch. Sometimes we all make our own sandwiches, or mini pizzas on English Muffins or grilled cheese sandwiches using the toaster and microwave. Tatum (11) actually enjoys making lunch for everyone, so I try to get things she can prepare and serve to everyone else. The kids LIKE cooking. All of them. They've helped me in the kitchen in little ways, for a chunk of their lives, but I find myself impatient at dinner time when I am trying to get dinner on the table and they are wanting to 'help.' Dinner time is the time I am mostly likely to snap at them, or ask them [shout] to leave me alone. But, I had an idea right before Christmas, which kind of turned things around for me...

For Christmas, I gave each child an appliance. Yep. That was my main gift to them. I gave them an appliance, and a clear container filled with cooking stuff. Tucker got a Quesadilla maker. Tatum got a cupcake maker. Haily, a donut machine. And Paige a mini-pie maker. NOT kid appliances--no Easy Bake Ovens in this house. Real appliances. Real machines! I then went to the dollar store and bought each of them measuring cups and spoons, a mixing bowl, whisks, oven mitts and other stuff like sprinkles, cake mixes, icing, cupcake paper liners and powdered sugar from Target. Tucker got a couple of bottles of hot sauce, flour tortilla shells, and his favorite salsa. I tucked a couple of cans of pie filling into Paige' container. Each child got a [very cheap] cookbook related to their appliance. All of the items were placed in their containers. I printed [in cute letters] the name of each child on his/her container and on the outside of the mixing/measuring bowls. They loved their presents!

Haily's Box! Each cost about $15 to assemble. The appliances each cost about $30.

I picked a day during Christmas break for them to take over cooking for the entire day! Haily made us donuts for breakfast. Paige made potpies for lunch, Tucker made quesadillas for dinner and Tatum rounded out the day with cupcakes for dessert. I was in the kitchen to supervise the day...but the kids did the creating. It was AWESOME! [I was really tired, even though they had done all the work. Teaching, instructing and overseeing can be exhausting...but so worth it!]

Since then, I have regularly asked the kids to cook dinner. On their own. I make sure there are a few simple-easy throw together meals they can prepare and serve. No-cooking type meals for Haily and Paige (Cheese and crackers with rolled lunch meats and a side of fruit, for example). Tucker and Tatum are both capable of using the microwave and oven, and they make more complicated stuff. Tucker loves making us quesadillas and Tatum finds an occasion almost weekly, to make us cupcakes.

All that is to say, cooking is not a chore for me....or them...because we do it as a family. We cook for each other. We are in the habit of preparing food for each other. Is it always the healthiest meal? No. Is it something Paula Dean would serve her guests? No. But it's fun. And it's family. And it helps me. It helps me A LOT!

Mom Thought: In the girls' containers, I made sure they were each given little paper boxes and cute, clear bags. The idea was to teach them to make treats to share with neighbors, friends and teachers. The goal is to raise generous, thoughtful grown-ups; people who will look for way to bless others with tokens of appreciation and treats. I want my children to become adults who LOOK FOR WAYS to make a difference in someone else's day by making an effort, sowing kindness and giving. It starts with little things like cupcakes or mini-pies. I took them to a neighbor's house and stood there while they knocked on the door and dropped off their home-made goodies. The neighbor didn't know what to say. I guess, these days, getting goodies delivered to your door by a set of nine-year old twins and their mother, is an uncommon thing.

When I Was Your Age...

My daughters have asked me to teach them how to sew.

The problem is, I don't know how to sew. Yes, I took Home Economics in the 8th grade and made (or almost finished) a trendy little blouse, and I've stitched together a shabby pair of curtains or two. And I can darn a hole in a sock or fix a stuffed teddy bear's paw...and I do own a sewing machine...but there is nothing I can really teach them about real-life-making-something-amazing-sewn-projects. I can't teach something I don't know.

So (no pun intended), I figure, I can do one of four things: I can ignore their request (Just tell them 'Nope. Not going to happen. Sorry."). Or, I can get someone else to teach them to sew (I know people I could ask, talented family members, a local shop around the corner that gives lessons for a reasonable price). Or I can teach myself how to sew, and pass what I learn, on to them. (I do this ALL THE TIME, when I research something on the internet to find out more about things that interest them, books they want to read, movies I'm not certain about that they want to watch...I am a constant researcher. I like to learn. I like to be up-to-date and in-the-know about the things that matter to my kids). Or, I can find an alternative.

I am going with number 4: Finding an Alternative. Any of the other ideas would have been acceptable. At different times, I might have gone with any of the other three. But this summer, for this request, a different option popped into my head....I was thinking about their request to learn how to sew, and I started thinking about them. I started thinking about what they really wanted. I don't know that they wanted to be able to make their own clothes, or decorate their rooms, or develop a life-long skill. I think they really wanted to be able to use the sewing machine that's collecting dust in the garage. I think they want to be able to make projects. To make stuff...with their own hands. And, knowing the ages and stages of my girls (9, 9 and almost 12), I know they want to make stuff within a short amount of time. They are not long-project kinds of kids (yet). They like to work on stuff for a little while, but they want results. They want to be able to start and finish a project in a reasonable amount of time for their attention spans. They want to put out some effort, but not have to wait a long period of time before they see results.

And it hit me. There were a few sewing-type projects I could teach them. From my own childhood. From 'back in the day,' when I was their age. Things I liked to do. Things I spent my summers and New York winters doing...making...creating. I snuck out to the craft store. I spent $18.

Here is what I got:
4 crocheting needles
4 skeins of fun-colored yummy (cheap) yarn
Kid's Crocheting idea book (used a 50% off coupon)

I will be teaching them how to crochet this week. When I was their age, I spent eons of time making scarves for my Barbie, blankets for my dolls (ok, more like 1/2 blankets, not big enough to really wrap around my baby dolls) and googly-eyed crocheted bookmark-worms with pom-pom tails, for my Nancy Drew books. I know they would LOVE to do the same--and make bracelets and necklaces for friends. The book I picked up, had other cute (updated since the 80s), simple ideas. Short projects they can complete in a few hours. I know they can do this! And I know I can teach them. I know because I took some time this weekend to remind myself how to crochet. It had been 30 years since I had held a crochet needle....but it all came back to me...including memories from my childhood. Moments I recalled as a young girl, of fun times with my mother and my friends. The spurts of time I spend this weekend refreshing my memories of granny-squaring and double-crocheting and chain-stitching, fed my heart. I had the best time! And can't wait to teach my girls.

I can't wait to teach my girls about my childhood. About the way I spent my time when I was their age. I can't wait to impart to them a sense of pride in something they can use their hands to make. A little skill they can use to make gifts for others. An interest in developing a hobby. A quiet activity they can enjoy while they think and talk. I can't wait to see which of my three, really takes to it and goes further with it than the others. Here is what I predict (because I know my girls): Tatum will want to make a scarf for her very best friend in the world. She will learn the stitches and start saving her money to buy the PERFECT color and texture yarn for her BFF. And she WILL make her friend a beautiful present. Paige will make about 4 chain necklaces (each taking about 10 minutes to complete). Then she'll realize bracelets take even less time to make, and she'll make about 30 bracelets. Then she'll want to make a blanket for one of her American Girl dolls, which will end up being more of a 3-inch square napkin for her doll. She will give all of her creations away, and give the doll-sized napkin to me, after she has wrapped it in an entire roll of wrapping paper and used all the tape we have in the house. Haily, will start making bookmarks, hair scrunchies and simple bracelets to sell to her friends and family members...and me. She will develop a business plan for how her crafts will fund her college education, or at the least, help her buy another hamster.

I have decided to teach Tucker how to solve the Rubix Cube. Whether he wants to learn or not. This will take some time and effort, but I will do it. WE will do it, together. Then we will race each other. I'll show him how to make all the fun patterns and designs I learned as a kid. He will be impressed. He will think it's cool. He will think I'm cool. I need to practice ALL of next weekend and see if I can find the cheating "How-to" book I used to have a a girl...

Mom thought: While we crochet (or work on the Rubix Cube), we will talk. I will share with them about ME. I will open up to them a little more about me, at their ages. I will tell them more about who I was then, what I remember about my feelings and my fears. I will tell them about problems I had with the friends, my issues in school and things I did that I got in trouble for when I was 9 , 11 and 13. This will be a time for them to get to know me better...and a time for me to listen to them, answer their questions and get to know them better. They will remember this. They may even take on a "Crocheting Day" with their daughters, or share a pop-culture experience with their sons. They will remember me giving them this. And they will know how to pass on themselves to their children, their families, their friends when they are grown-ups.

The Family that PLAYS Together...Cleans Together

When Tucker was THREE he had a list of chores which were his responsibility on 'Cleaning Day.' I don't mean just getting dressed and brushing his teeth. I mean REAL jobs HE took care of while other, bigger cleaning jobs were being done in the house.

When he was three, Tucker:
Distributed rolls of toilet paper to each of the bathrooms
Put out clean hand towels in the bathrooms
Lined up his shoes in his closet
Put his dirty clothes in the laundry room
Brought the trash cans from the other rooms in the house to the big trash can in the garage
Put napkins in the napkin holder in the kitchen
and
Unloaded his Sippy cups and plastic plates from the dishwasher and put them into the basket on the bottom shelf in the cabinet in the kitchen (I'd already taken everything else out of the dishwasher, so this was a safe task).

These were his jobs until he was about five. Then they became Tatum's jobs when she was three, and he advanced to other tasks. The Twins inherited the same jobs when they were three--I even added a few more to the list, because there were two of them to split the work.

My point? Well, today is a summer FRIDAY...which means it's "You've Played, Now You Work Day!" I know in most cases, playing is the REWARD and work is accomplished first...and sometimes that's the way it works around here, but I have found (with these specific kids, after almost 14 years of growing up with me), I can count on them to work. I know they will do the jobs I assign. They are reliable. They know they HAVE to do their jobs, so I let them play...then work. As long it keeps running smoothly, with no complaints or [much] procrastinating, I'll let them play for the first part of the week, and work on Fridays. It's right there on the calendar in the kitchen, so they know it's coming. They know on Game Day (Monday), they'll be cleaning on Friday. They know on Movie Day (Tuesday), they'll be cleaning on Friday. So it's Friday! LET'S CLEAN!

Here's how it works..I have a list I put on the frig of "extra" jobs the kids can choose to do [during the week], to earn more tv and screen time. I have a little bag filled with buttons and each kid has an envelope with their name on it. For each task they volunteer for (and then complete), they get a button, for 30 minutes of extra screen time. These can be saved up, or used the day they are earned. All week, at any time, they can choose a task, put their initials on the list and DO the task...earning tv time. On Thursday night, I ASSIGN the remaining tasks on the list, to be done Friday morning at 10am. If I have to assign a task from the list--they do not get the extra tv time the task would have earned if someone had volunteered to do it during the week. This week, voluntarily, Tucker did 2 jobs, Tatum did 4, Haily did 1 and Paige did 2...which means they each earned some extra time. There were about six jobs left on the list, so this morning, I assigned them.

In addition, because it's Friday, after lunch, we will work for one hour to clean the house. I set a timer for an hour and give each child a list of jobs, based on their age and experience. Based on what they're good at....and what they tend to avoid. Each child gets a job they DON'T like to do, but the rest of the list is made up of things they're good at and would typically be ok with doing anyway. We work for one hour. At the end of the hour, the timer goes off, and we're done...finished...no more cleaning. If they get finished with their list early, they come to me and I give them one more task, then they're free to hang out in their rooms or play outside. Usually, we have an unhealthy snack when our hour is up! What doesn't get finished (if anything), will be added to the Weekly Job List for next week, which they can volunteer to do for extra TV time. Get it?

There is also a list of Daily Jobs for the kids. The same jobs for every day (m-f) of the week, but each week, I change WHO does the jobs. This list includes:
Unloading the dishwasher in the morning
Re-loading the dishwasher after meals
Clearing and wiping down the table after each meal
Assistant to Mom for AM (Different asst for PM)
Pick up kids' stuff at night
Hand-wash dishes (as needed)
Nightly trash out

The Weekly Jobs List for TV Time, is filled with real jobs. Things like (but not limited to):
Strip all 5 beds in the house
Wash all bedding (2 loads)
Sweep the patio and wipe off the patio furniture
Clean out the van
Sweep and Swiffer the kitchen
Clean out/organize the broom closet
Clean out the kitchen cabinets (2 cabinets for 30 min. tv)
Do a load of laundry start-to-finish (wash, dry, fold, distribute)
Clean the front windows of the house
Sanitize ALL the door knobs and cabinet handles in the entire house
Organize the pantry
Clean the microwave and frig
Organize Pool bag with clean towels, goggles, sunscreen etc

The Friday Hour of Cleaning takes care of the following tasks:
Dust the living room
Dust dining room
Sweep all hard-wood floors
Dust all blinds in the house
Vacuum all rugs and area rugs
Fold and distribute and remaining laundry
Clean bathrooms
Wipe Down Kitchen Counters
Rid frig of leftovers
Empty all trash cans
AND
Make sure all kid clutter is out of the common areas of the house

Today, I asked each child how they think they will handle house-cleaning when they're grown up. Each of them said they'll have their children do the work, when their kids are old enough for the responsibilities. Tucker remembers doing his jobs when he was little. He said it was fun to do those jobs then, and it makes it easier to do the work now. They like that I divide it between all the kids (it helps that there are so many of them). They really like only having to work for one hour. They like the timer. "ONE hour of cleaning, in a week? That's very do-able." [Tucker]

Mom Thought: I am so glad I started giving out jobs and responsibilities when they were young. It takes TIME to think of jobs they can do. It takes TIME to teach them how to do a task, It takes TIME to check on their work, re-teach them how to do it and hold them to a fair standard of what they can really be expected to do. It all takes TIME. An investment of MY time. An investment of me. I could just do it all myself (seriously?). I could get frustrated with the amount of work (and mess) 4 children create. But...I am the mom. I am their mother. And, I am raising grown-ups. The pay-off now, for all the TIME I put in, in the early, pre-school years has paid off time-and-time again.

It's a DATE!

I'm pretty sure THURSDAYS are going to end up being the "Most Looked-Forward-To" day of Summer 2012 (based on the success of this afternoon)! Thursdays are "Dates With Mom Day." I've done this with the children in the past (once for Mother's Day and once at the end of Spring Break last year). THE KIDS LOVE IT and know the routine.

Being one of four children (with only four years between the oldest and the youngest (including a set of twins), times alone with Mom, are a little rare--and therefore, are very valuable and cherished (on both sides). I love having a big brood. I love the energy of a large family. I love the communication, the fun, the excitement of a lot of kids in the house. I can handle noise and chaos....in small to medium dosages. I love a family dinner around the table with real conversation. I love playing games with lots of kids. It seems to multiply the fun. But, I treasure one-on-one time. It is my favorite. And it is the favorite of my kids.

So, on Wednesday night, I am asking each child how they want to spend an hour with ME on Thursdays! They can pick a place to visit, thing to do or way to spend one hour with me....just the two of us. I listen to their ideas and figure out a schedule so each child gets their time and their activity with NO interruptions from the other three. Here's what they picked for this week:

Tatum asked me to cut her hair and style it for her. (I've been cutting all four kids' hair since they were babies. Tucker has only had two haircuts NOT by me, in his 13 years.) She also asked me to show her what kind of makeup she will be allowed to wear in middle school. And that's what we did. Hair trimmed on the patio. Nice blow-out in my bathroom. Subtle pre-teen lipgloss, sheer blush and sand colored eye-shadow. Very pretty. Lots of good conversation about boys, changing classes, dress code and slumber parties. We also discussed the book she just finished reading, "Prom and Prejudice." She had no idea it was based on one of MY favorite novels, and was surprised when I could guess the story-line (and that the boy/crush in the book's last name was Darcy). Cost $0.

Paige asked me to take her to the park for her hour. She wanted to go on the swings with me and wanted me to help her on the monkey bars (a skill she is determined to master this year). She also wanted us to paint watercolor portraits and landscapes while we were there. I packed paints, a little container with water and white paper. It was a soothing hour for us. We sat and talked...and listened to the little children screaming all around us. Paige felt very grown-up sitting with me, "focusing" on our art. I enjoyed myself more than expected. I think getting creative, relaxed my soul. Cost $0 (I already had the materials at home. I bet it cost about $4 at Target).

Tucker wanted to play video games with me. Right. Seriously. Like I'm going to like that AT ALL...but, keeping with my promise to do a date HIS way, I told him we could rent one at a local place and play for an hour. When we got to the store, it was tough deciding on one I approved of, that he agreed with. My picks were too lame, his were too aggressive. After standing in the store for about 20 minutes, I asked if he'd rather have lunch with me at the restaurant of his choice. THIS idea, he loved. (I invested $22 in this date.)

We ate at one of his favorite places. Half-way through the meal, he asked me the following question, "Mom, when you were my age, did you tell your parents everything you did? Were there things you didn't tell them?" I answered him honestly, and told him about some secrets I'd kept from them, and the reasons why I'd felt like I couldn't (or didn't want to) tell them. He looked at me and said, "Because there are some things I need to tell you." I looked at him across the table and saw that he had tears in his eyes. I told him to put on his sunglasses and tell me whatever he wanted to--I'd listen, no matter what. 30 minutes later, after a fantastic conversation/confessional, I had tears in MY eyes.....I was so proud of him. So proud of US. So proud of the relationship he and I have. So proud that he trusted me, and trusted the strength of our relationship to be able to handle him opening up his heart about something that was so troubling for his 13-year old conscience.

And as I sat there, listening to him, I knew the entire reason for this day, that hour, was for that very conversation between the two of us. I knew God had put the whole 'Dates with Mom Day' together today, for Tucker and me. I know the other children loved it too. I know they got something out of the day...but I know for certain, Tucker needed it. For his future, his growing up, he needed that conversation. And God created the moment. A moment that could have been lost to a video game. Or passed-over because I was too busy to listen and care and love and understand.

Haily wanted to go window shopping and try on high heel shoes with me. I must point out here, that Haily is my least prissy daughter. She is the one with bruises and scrapes from tumbles and falls, all over her legs. She is the one with short hair. She is the no-fuss type who likes to play hard. She is my competitor. She is not a girly-girl. But today, with me....she wanted to try on heels. And pick out shoes for me. And it was so much fun. We must have tried on 30 pair of shoes. I sat in one spot, and she brought by boxes for the both of us. It was more fun than I had imagined. We talked a lot about her uniqueness, and how she strives to be her own person. And how much I admire her for it. (Cost of date: $0...plus gas money.)

That's Haily's foot on the left (size 7), mine on the right...

I am tired. The day flew by. We had a great time. The kids started planning next-weeks dates during the last five minutes of the their time with me today. But, as I informed them, NEXT week will be different--next week I will be the one picking the dates. It will be my turn to introduce them to something I love to do. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I will pick a very specific thing to share with each child, based on what I know about them and what we have in common. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, by the way, I'm blogging during my one-hour date with myself. The kids know I take time just for me--and I can't be interrupted during this hour. I'm passing on my belief in making myself a priority, so they'll take time for themselves--when they're grown ups.

Mom Thought: Just re-read the part about Tucker's date. It's all in there.

Out of the Mouths of Babes (or My Four Kids)

The girls are out outside playing with Silly String. I bought a dozen cans at the dollar store. It will take them about five minutes to go through them all, but then they'll need to change clothes and clean up the mess. After all that, I'll feel just fine about letting them watch tv for a little while. And I'll feel fine telling them to 'find something to do' on their own, the next time they ask for ideas.

I do have their summer planned. But I do not micro-manage. And I do not plan EVERY minute of their day. I plan chunks. Chunks of time with me. With my ideas. Then, I feel footloose and fancy-free [aka: guilt-free], leaving them to themselves to fill the REST of their day.

A few more details about Our Summer of 2012:
No one starts their day before 8am.
I am officially "Mom on Duty" at 9am. Before that, they manage themselves. (As a side note, the tv has not been turned on before lunch, for the past three days...the kids don't want to use up their TV time too early!)
Tucker is not allowed to sleep past 10am.
The twins (9yrs old), get ready for bed and 9pm, and hang out in their room until I tuck them in at 9:30.
Tatum (almost 12) gets ready for bed at 9:30. (I tuck her in at 10).
Tucker (almost 14) stays up til 10. He's in his room after that. Lights out around 11.
We have TWO tvs in the house. One in the living room, with an Xbox 360. One in my room.
The kids are in charge of their own breakfast most days (Mondays I cook a big breakfast for them).
Lunch is pretty casual...everyone makes their own, unless I have one of the kids make lunch for us all.
(Just a few facts to set the scene for what goes on around here.)

Today is Wednesday...and Wednesdays are especially for OUTDOORS. We will go to my Dad's pool most Wednesdays. Or to a park. Or to Six Flags (we have passes). At this point, the girls have finished with their Silly String and everyone is outside throwing a baseball around.

Wednesday night is Kid's Cooking Night. They will be making/serving barbeque sandwiches with applesauce and tator tots. Tatum is making chocolate cupcakes and Paige will be making her famous lemonade. Every Wednesday, they'll prepare something different, and get the table set and cleared.

I asked each of them, before starting todays post, what THEY think makes the summer "work" in this house. Here are their responses:

Tucker: We get along with each other. We are occupied. We have a schedule. We have lots of free time. We have books to read that we like. We get to play video games and watch tv, we just have to manage it ourselves.

Paige: All the crafts we get to do and the time we spend together. The times we get to have you. You let us earn more tv time and screen time with extra jobs. We really spend time together. I like my bedtime, so I know I get enough rest. And we don't have to take naps anymore.

Tatum: You give us responsibilities for ourselves which will help us later in life. We have jobs we know we have to do. And you change the jobs every week so if we stuck with one we don't like, we know we won't have to do it again next week. You let our bedtimes and the things we get to do, grow with us. I get more opportunities than the twins because I am older. I get lots of time to talk with you.

Haily: Everyone contributes. I know what we're going to do every day. I like that we have routines and I know what you expect. I know what I am going to do and what everyone is going to do. I like that you plan it for us and then do things WITH us, rather than sending us away.

Mom thought: I ask my kids questions ALL DAY LONG. I find when I ask THEM, they don't do as much ASKING of ME! I don't assume to know their thoughts or feelings about things. I make myself ASK them, and give them time to answer. I'm hoping this will help them be better (more effective) communicators as grown-ups. I want them to know their own thoughts and feelings about things; their daily lives, their family, their friends, themselves, their faith. I really want to know them...and want them to really know themselves.

Who You Gonna Call?

Tuesdays this summer are MOVIE MORNINGS.

One of the local movie theaters offers dollar movies on Tuesday (and Thursday) mornings. They show little kid movies, and pre-teen movies. The little kid ones this summer, are ones we've seen a half-dozen times. The pre-teen ones are some of the classics from the 80s! I was thrilled when I saw the 80s list, and made plans to take my four every week we can make it!

Today, the movie was Ghostbusters. The kids woke-up to Ray Parker Jr singing the theme song from my iPod speakers. On repeat. About 10 times. By the time we were in the car, they had it memorized. (I plan on downloading the theme songs for the remaining movies we'll see this summer--making a soundtrack to listen to in the car when we're driving around town). Wanting to benefit from the cheaper movie prices, I let the kids know (in advance) they WOULD NOT be getting drinks and popcorn at the concession stand. Instead (yes, I cheated a little), I got out the six boxes of cereal we had all but finished, from the pantry. I sat out four ziploc bags and had the kids create "Mixes" of their favorite cereals to eat as snacks during the movie. The loved it!

Wanting to "UP" the fun quotient a little more, I came up with ten questions about the movie (and the actors/actresses). Typed them up on the computer and printed out four copies. Each of the kids took a pencil with them to the movie and answered as many questions as they could (in the dark), as the credits were rolling, and in the car on the way home. This was a CONtest (not a TEST, I explained to Tucker, who bemoaned the idea).

The movie had a lot more "swear" words than I had remembered. And lots of smoking. And sexual innuendo. So, on the way home, we had a great car conversation about rating systems for movies in the 1980s, and how there were no PG13s back then. We talked about the bad language in the movie, the smoking and the ways the adults (especially the men and women) acted around each other. THIS is what I mean by Raising Grown Ups.

Because here's the thing: I don't expect movies to teach my kids values. I don't expect celebrities to be role models. I don't really look to anyone to do the work I am supposed to do as a parent to my children. It's my job to care about them. My job to teach them about life and living and understanding our culture. It is my job to show them what is good and acceptable. It is my job to train them. It's my conversation to have. My values to impart. My life to live out in front of them. It's what I am supposed to do. It is what I LOVE DOING! I love answering their questions. Helping them use their heads. Getting them to think. Teaching them to pick things apart, make decisions, show love, take stands. THAT is what I am here for. These experiences, conversations, moments and opportunities (and what I do with them, or how I handle them) are what really contribute to who my four are (and are becoming) as people...and one-day-grown-ups.

Our conversation in the car, was my favorite part of the morning. It was during those teachable moments, I was able to connect with my maturing, impressionable, public-school-educated son and daughters. None of the language was new to them. Each of the words had been heard before...on the school bus, at a friend's house or on the basketball court. They haven't been sheltered from such things. It was great, however to have a "reminder-conversation" about where we stand as a family. And what we can say, do, or NOT say (or do), when we are in a situation when certain language is used around us, or [let's be honest] we find ourselves wanting to use it ourselves.

We stopped off at the grocery store on the way home, picked up two bags of marshmallows (in different sizes). I knew I had a little box of toothpicks and a container of icing at home. After lunch, we made our own Stay Puft Marshmallow Men (inspired by the movie) and chomped them up for dessert after our hotdogs. Total cost for the outing, around $8.50 for the movie and marshmallows.

Mom thought: When it comes to these four children, I can be counted on to set things straight, explain the world around us, point them to God, show love, teach forgiveness, extend grace and demonstrate how not to judge others. I can lead them in showing mercy. Who are they going to KNOW they can call? Their mother. I'll answer, no matter how tough, stressful, embarrassing or difficult the question.

Monday: Games People Play

It's summer time....my favorite time of the year (but it's a close 4-way tie between Autumn, Winter and Spring). I have a knack for taking summer and turning it into "Camp Becky" for my kids. I would rather spend the summer with my children, filling their mornings and afternoons with family time, fun and learning, than paying a fortune for lessons or camps, led by other people. Truth is, I like hanging out with my four. I like planning time with them and seeing them do stuff. I like doing stuff with them. I like playing along-side them. I like my days with them.

This summer, Tucker will turn 14. An almost 14-year old boy is NOT as thrilled about hanging out with his mom and three younger sisters, as he was when he was 6. BUT, he is MORE interested in hanging out with us than he will be in a couple of years....or in 4 years when he is getting ready to leave for college...so THIS is the  summer to make those connections happen. To seize where he is today, where each of my four are today, this summer...and make the most of our time.

So, I've got a plan (I've always got a plan...it's who I am. I am a professional Planner). This summer, each month is already planned. Each week is mapped out. Each day is already loosely plotted. And HERE is where I'll be posting it. Here is where I'll share what we did. What they thought. How it went.

A quick run down:
Each day (Monday through Friday), from 8am-8pm, each of the four kids get:
1 hr of TV
1 hr of alone time (quietly doing something in their rooms)
1 hr of screen time (computer or video games)
1 hr (at least) of family time (all four, doing something with the group)

They also have a list of daily jobs they do in the house (things like emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up after meals, doing a load of laundry, etc).

MONDAYS we play games. In our pajamas. And get to leave the beds un-made. All they have to do is brush their teeth. I make a big breakfast (today it was scrambled eggs, thick-sliced bacon, toast and hash-browns with milk and orange juice). They set the table and cleaned up for me afterwards. Each child picked a game, and we'll play it. I'll teach them how to play Poker when we're finished with their choices.

(And by the way, the kids aren't chained to the table. The front door isn't bolted or barred. If a friend calls and invites them to do something, they're free to go. So far, the kids haven't asked to get out of anything I've presented or planned. So far, staying home with each other, is enough fun.)

Mom Thought: I can teach through play times. My children need play time with me. I can stop what I am doing for a chunk of my day and enjoy my kids. Playing with them every now and then, is as important as telling them to look twice before crossing the street or teaching them to wear a helmet when they ride their bikes.

For Starters

I am a mom. With four children. And I like to have fun. I like to have fun MORE than I like having a clean house. I like to have fun MORE than I like to volunteer at school, or take my kids to endless baseball practices, or sit through curriculum night at school. I like to have fun MORE than I like to iron clothes, do laundry or change the sheets on my kids' beds.

When my children are grown-ups, I believe they will look back at their young lives, and KNOW they were loved. They will KNOW they were understood by me. They will remember the memories we've made, conversations we've had and moments we shared together...having FUN (and talking, and learning and loving). I don't think it will be a problem, or cause for therapy, that I intentionally didn't buy clothes that had to be ironed, or didn't show up for every single practice or event in their classrooms. (I do {sometimes} chaperone field trips. I show up for their games, and attend their award ceremonies at the end of the year. I just ditch the things that are THEIRS--I don't go to their classroom Holiday Parties....because those are THEIR celebrations, to enjoy with THEIR friends, in THEIR classroom with THEIR teacher. Call me crazy. Or lazy. I just don't NEED to be at EVERYTHING, and THEY don't NEED me at everything).

My best times with my four, are the times when I am choosing consciously, to give them me...my self...my time...my attention...my affection...my creativity...my fun-ness...my sensitivity...me. When I rush through a day, hustling them to and from places (practices, events and games), or get caught up in all the to-do's on my list--their talking in the van, questions about the universe and bickering over fast-food options--grate on my last nerve. And I start yelling. I want them to leave me alone. I want to lock myself in my room and hide. I want to send them all to bed (at 3:30 in the afternoon). And sometimes, I do.

But, when I am genuinely awake, aware, focused on giving them ME, it's a whole different world! And that's what I REALLY like to do. I LIKE making memories (at my own house, for little or no money). I like CREATING a home for my family. Not a Martha Stewart House. Not a Betty Crocker Kitchen. Not a perfect place....but a great, fun, LOUD, open, loving couch-like-place---or massive-dining-room-table-with-room-for-everyone-place.

That is what THIS blog is about. That is the point of this blog. I am going to write about my children. Who they are and what we do together. How we have fun. Ways I connect with them. Maybe it will be an encouragement or inspiration. Maybe I will end up looking like a loon. Or an "out-there" mom. My kids love me. They think I'm fun. And from what other people tell me, my kids are pretty great. They are well-mannered and polite. They are compassionate and empathetic. They are LOUD and funny and FUN. They are good kids. I'd like you to meet them and get to know them.

So here is another blog.
I am starting with a daily re-cap of this summer.
I am letting you know what WE do each day...because we have a lot of fun.
And it's usually pretty cheap.
And sometimes a little loud.
But we really do like each other and like to have a good time together.
We are a pretty great family.